Broke, not broken - World Suicide Prevention Day Edition
Loneliness, the pursuit of wealth, poverty, debt, money fuelled intrusive thoughts, self worth, grief and suicide.
CW Mental Health, Suicide
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, contact Samaritans on 116 123, or 999 in an emergency.
Reminder for anyone who wants a safe space to come and talk about money or explore your relationship to money, our next virtual finance therapy circle is on Monday 23rd Sept at 5.30pm BST. Sign up here: https://lu.ma/8mf9emlj
Today is Suicide Prevention Day. Yes, I only talk taboos here.
Suicide, a topic we often shy away from until it’s too late. The loss of a loved one, or even a well liked public figure, can jolt us into confronting the harsh reality of mental health struggles. But even then, we often overlook the ongoing pain and challenges faced by survivors and victims.
The stories we hear are often driven by the grief of those left behind. Compelled to share their pain, perhaps in the hope that someone will take it away. Seeking community and connection with others who understand. Looking for answers and blaming themselves ‘I wish I had known’. ‘What could I have done differently?’ ‘It’s my fault’.
The fallout of suicide is only part of the story. Rarely do we acknowledge the grief and pain of those struggling and living with suicidal thoughts and ideation every day. So, this post is for them, keeping broadly along the lines of money topics as one of the leading causes of poor mental health and suicide.
And I will try to fix you
Suicidal thoughts are thoughts a person has about not wanting to be alive. They range in intensity, from wondering what it would be like not to be alive, to making an action plan to end their life. Anyone can have them and people experience suicidal thoughts for many reasons - and they can be a result of a combination of things. - Calm
The statistics are heart-breaking, and unfortunately, these numbers are only going up.
According to the world health organisation, over 720,000 people die by suicide every year. Here in the UK:
1 in 5 people have suicidal thoughts
1 in 14 people self-harm
1 in 15 people attempt suicide.
Yet only 45% of people feel comfortable talking to family and friends about suicidal thoughts, whilst 74% feel comfortable talking about mental health more generally. - Mind
Women are more likely to have suicidal thoughts and make suicide attempts than men, however men are 3 times more likely to take their own life than women.
Unsurprisingly, money is linked to many of the main driving factors leading to periods of poor mental health (I dive deeper into the relationship between money and mental health here), including:
facing social inequality and disadvantage
facing discrimination and social exclusion
going through traumatic experiences
differences in physical health
Keep it on the Hush
Sadly, somewhere along the road, society decided that answering the question “are you ok?” honestly was unacceptable, embarrassing and a burden on others. We live in fear of the overshare, whilst the older generations label us soft and ungrateful for how good we have it comparatively. Our mental health services are stretched and under developed, making reaching out for help all the more difficult, often waiting months between your initial plea for help and any support actually materialising. Perhaps our friends and family would like to believe they are there for us, in reality, they don’t know how to react or what to say either. Many turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling or other addictive behaviours, often exacerbating the problem, making it harder to treat the root causes, as the symptoms of these coping mechanisms take over.
I’ve struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember. Living with what I now know to be high functioning anxiety and depression, I thought everything I felt and thought was ‘normal’. Until it very obviously wasn’t. The questionnaires for psychotherapy make me feel equal parts sad and stupid. It’s a weird feeling to admit to another human that you don’t want to be alive. It’s even weirder when you can’t tell them why. That you don’t value this coveted thing called life as much as you ‘should’, and there’s no particular reason for it that you can think of. A lifetime of being told ‘it’s normal’, ‘don’t complain’, ‘do you know how lucky you are’ and ‘be grateful’, will do that to a person.
I don’t tell you this for sympathy, I tell you because most people in my life would just simply never know. For long periods I woke up disappointed that I woke up. Went through the motions of my daily routine. Chucked a smile on my face and worked, socialised, travelled, danced and worked out. For others, I stayed in bed for weeks at a time, sick at the thought of checking my messages or emails (toxic jobs), avoided communal spaces at home (awful roommate) and made excuses (the weather) not to leave my cocoon. To anyone that asked, I was always “good”, “fine”, or “ok”. The thing is, no one can fix it for you, which makes it an even harder place to get out of.
All by myself
Loneliness is a serious public health issue, with a strong association to suicide, especially in young people aged 16 - 24. In general, loneliness is an unwelcome feeling that arises when our expectations for social relationships and connections are not being met. It’s the second most common concern expressed in contacts from males and the fourth from females who call the Samaritans. In their report on Loneliness, suicide and young people, most of the participants said loneliness played a role in their suicidal thoughts or feelings, and some participants went as far as to say it caused their suicidal thoughts. The combination of being physically alone and the distressing feeling of loneliness triggered or intensified their suicidal thoughts or gave a distorted logic to them.
Unfortunately we don’t grow out of loneliness. We all know how hard it is to make friends as adults. True friendships with colleagues are like finding a diamond in the dirt. The human turnover in big cities gives you whiplash, with no one sticking around long enough for lifelong soulmate status. And our old friends move on with their own lives, where it’s a miracle when a plan to see each other actually makes it out of the group chat.
Loneliness at work, at home and in business is commonplace. With those climbing the career ladder and pursuing entrepreneurship reporting feeling distanced from their loved ones or being torn between two worlds. Looking for connection with new people who get it, whilst losing touch with those on different paths. Loneliness in the pursuit of wealth and success is the ultimate catch 22.
Suicidal thoughts and self-harm can lead to people distancing themselves from others, stop doing things they usually enjoy and could find daily tasks difficult. Isolation feeds feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or being trapped, compounding these effects of loneliness and mental health struggles.
Money Money Money
Research shows that people experiencing financial distress are over three times more likely to experience suicidal thoughts compared to those without financial struggles.
Money problems can feel all-encompassing. They can strip away our sense of security, self-worth, and hope. Becoming hopeless about your financial situation, to a point you’re unable to believe in the possibility of a better future, can leave you vulnerable to suicidal ideation, increasing the risk of suicide. For many, the shame of financial hardship prevents them from reaching out for help, leading to isolation - which we’re already identified as a dangerous breeding ground for suicidal thoughts.
More than 100,000 people in problem debt attempt suicide in England each year. Research by the Money and Mental Health Policy Institute found that ‘people in problem debt are three times as likely to consider suicide as those without a debt problem.’
“I absolutely dread the future as I have no savings or any means to support myself in old age, which adds to my suicidal thinking.”
- Money and Mental Health Policy Institute’s ‘A Silent Killer’ report.
However, it’s not just people with lower income levels that experience suicidal thoughts. A study by the National Library of Medicine in the US, found that whilst low income and increased suicide risk were strongly associated in the general population, the opposite was seen in people who had previously been admitted to a psychiatric hospital for treatment. Patients from the high income group who had recently been discharged from hospital seemed to be at two to three times greater risk of committing suicide than patients from the low income group. Citing that this association could be the result of the greater stigma associated with mental illness among rich people
Money can also cause rifts in friendship groups, between family and affect your social standing in new work, education or social environments. We often see this play out when people with scholarships struggle to integrate in institutions built by and for the wealthy. Or the classic immigrant story of family fighting over a piece of land back home and expecting expensive gifts every time you visit. We may struggle to set boundaries around money within our friendship groups or with our relatives, or even live and spend beyond our means to fit in with new colleagues, leading to added financial burden, feelings of resentment and isolation.
Work sucks, I know
We spend on average 40 hours a week at work. Add the commuting, networking, studying and side hustling, most of our waking hours are dedicated to work, productivity and earning money.
And what do we have to show for it? We’re the first generation really struggling to buy a home, with the high cost of living (Inflation peaking at 11.2% in October 2022, for the first time in 41 years), soaring property prices and low salaries. Meanwhile, we’re literally watching the planet burn. Today, more of us are looking for purpose in our roles, trying to escape the 9-5 and jumping right off the corporate career ladder with the notion of “there’s got to be more to life than this”, only to find that everything is driven by profit or is too hard to do alone with little financial support. I touched upon some of the struggles of entrepreneurship above, you can read in more detail about the financial and emotional toll here.
Meanwhile, 9% of professionals in the UK are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, with almost half of UK workers ‘running on empty,’ with burnout, mental ill health, and work-related stress now costing the economy £28 billion annually. A damning 70% of managers cited organisational barriers to supporting staff wellbeing, including company policy, heavy workload, unsupportive workplace culture, and not being equipped with the right skills. Having worked with managers with the EQ of a lemon, I can’t say I’m surprised.
Then there’s economic coercion. You know that friend you have that can never leave work on time, is scared of their boss and has never once asked for something they need. The one who lives in fear that they’ll get fired for leaving on time. Yeah, that’s not all in their head (most of the time). It's a very common abuse of economic power that large institutions use to force someone to do something they don't want to do. It could be anything from the threat of losing your job, to the lording essential benefits, such as healthcare over you to keep you in line, and stuck in dead end, low paying jobs.
Then there’s the freelancer, consultant, sole trader problem. People and large organisations do not respect small business, or freelancers. This manifests in ghosting, unpaid invoices, chasing for payment, and being paid incorrectly. All of which can create a huge strain on your cash flow and nervous system, leading to extreme financial pressure. Not to mention the need to do the most uncomfortable thing for many people, and ask for the money. You know that phrase “What feels like begging but isn’t”. Yes, logically we all know, it’s the buyer of your services who should feel the shame and embarrassment for not paying up, but unfortunately it rarely plays out that way.
And you’re damned if you don’t. With the recent and never ending onslaught of tech layoffs, the usual cyclical corporate restructures and the failure of many household names, more than one-third (34%) of UK adults in full-time work are concerned about losing their jobs. Whilst one in five unemployed people say they have had suicidal thoughts and feelings within the last two weeks. There is definitely an air of ‘no one is safe’ around right now, contributing significantly to our collective mental wellbeing.
Some people are so poor, all they have is money
How many times have you thought ‘If I had more money, everything would be better’? This kind of thinking lends itself to the money script of ‘money status’. The idea that self worth is net worth. They may pretend to have more money than they do, and as a result are at risk of overspending, in an effort to give people the impression that they are financially successful.
Money scripts are subconscious beliefs about money that are often developed during childhood. We carry these with us throughout life and they contribute to how we see and interact with the world. For those who tie their self worth to the number in their bank account, it can be very hard to find fulfilment, joy and connection that we need to live well rounded lives.
‘But, you don’t understand, if I won the lottery, all my problems would be solved!’ For many people who think this way, I wish it were true. However, money only contributes 10% of your daily experience when it comes to happiness. The same is true for winning the lottery or earning a high salary. Money buys choices, opportunity and freedom, but it’s what you do with those things that really contributes to your overall mental wellbeing. Conflating your identity and worth with money can lead to higher risk of suicide.
How could you leave us
The impact of suicide extends far beyond the individual. For those left behind, the emotional toll is profound and long-lasting. But there’s also a financial burden that we often forget about. Families may have lost their main breadwinner, with no protection in place. Whilst grieving, they’ll be left dealing with debts, funeral costs, the sudden loss of income, and potentially the loss of their home. This could create financial instability that is felt through the family for years to come.
Survivors of suicide loss are themselves at greater risk of mental health issues, including depression and anxiety. The trauma can also create an ongoing cycle of emotional and financial stress within families and communities. Children who lose a parent to suicide are more likely to experience mental health problems, affecting their academic performance, social relationships, and future earning potential, demonstrating the real impacts of generational trauma.
Beyond the immediate family, communities also feel the impact. The loss of a community member, especially in small towns or tight-knit groups, can create a ripple effect, increasing the strain on local resources like mental health services and financial aid programs. This can perpetuate a cycle of despair within the community, where others struggling with financial or emotional issues may feel even more isolated.
The ones that talk about it, they’re the ones who make it home
“Every suicide is preventable and every single financial problem is resolvable” - Money and Mental Health policy institute.
One of the most powerful ways we can address this crisis is by normalising conversations about both money and mental health. Financial stress is still deeply stigmatised, and many people feel ashamed to admit they are struggling. This stigma prevents people from seeking help - whether that’s talking to a therapist, consulting a financial or debt advisor, or even confiding in friends or family.
Financial literacy and mental health education need to go hand in hand. Schools, workplaces, and communities should prioritise teaching practical skills around budgeting, debt management, and financial planning, alongside mental health awareness and resources. These conversations can break down barriers, encouraging people to seek help before they reach a point of crisis.
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, the most important step is to reach out for help. Support can come in many forms: a friend, family member, therapist, financial counsellor, or a hotline. Recognizing that you are not alone in your struggles is crucial.
For those of us who aren’t in crisis but want to help, creating a supportive environment is key. This can mean checking in on friends and family, especially if you know they’re facing financial difficulties. Offering a non-judgmental ear can be incredibly powerful. If someone confides in you about their struggles, resist the urge to offer quick fixes or judgments. Instead, listen, validate their feelings, and gently guide them toward professional help.
Employers also play a crucial role. Creating a workplace culture that acknowledges the impact of financial stress and provides resources, such as Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) or financial wellbeing support can make a huge difference.
PS I offer trauma sensitive financial resilience and wellbeing workshops and thought leadership for the workplace - hit me up and put me in touch with your HR team if you think you need that support in your life!
PPS the eagle eyed would have noticed I used song lyrics for each subtitle in this post :)
Be well <3