Are you emotionally ready to be an entrepreneur?

What does ready mean, anyway? Red flags, green flags and emotionally unavailable founders.

Jul 15, 2024

Part one to this post, exploring financial readiness for entrepreneurship is here.

Starting a business is often seen as a path paved with ambition, innovation, and financial gain. However, emotional readiness to embark on the entrepreneurial journey is just as critical as having a sound business plan and awesome product or service. Understanding and preparing for the emotional rollercoaster ahead can significantly impact your success and well-being. In this post I’ll explore what it means to be emotionally ready with regards to entrepreneurship and share some wisdom from my own experience off the beaten career track.

As emotionally available as a F-boy on Tinder

The fact that people generally find tech bro’s and broettes emotionally unavailable, workaholics with questionable money morals and values (there’s a whole corner of the internet dedicated to such complaints & memes), and these people are the employers and investors, aka power holders, in the ecosystem, would imply something is broken.

We talk a good game about building community, having a support system and finding your tribe, but we rarely, if ever, get into the real reasons why:

We need these things in the first place
The toll it takes on our mental and financial wellbeing

Entrepreneurship is not just a career choice; it's a lifestyle. The journey comes with highs of success, independence, and fulfilment, but also with lows of uncertainty, stress, and potential failure. The emotional demands are high, and being prepared for this can make all the difference.

Rhetoric around emotional availability is usually confined to dating, red flags, failed relationships, our absent fathers and dwindling friendships. Being emotionally unavailable means you are either uncomfortable or find it difficult to express emotions in healthy ways. Emotional availability requires you to be vulnerable, open and honest. It means you trust your partner in the relationship.

To build a business you need to be emotionally ready to build lasting relationships with trust and transparency. You also need financial security to get you through the unpaid months and years, which can take a massive toll on your mental wellbeing. Want a good co-founder relationship? Need to work with the same investors for the next 10 years? Planning to keep your early hires to help you build your vision? You’re gonna need to get emotionally available.

Battling A Negative Environment

At the beginning of your founder journey you stand at the foot of a mountain wondering how the F you’re going to get up there in one piece. When you’re a brown (ding), female (ding) from a working class background (ding) - triple threat, you can see the others starting at basecamp. They’re looking around and shouting about how someone should help you get to where they are, but no one is throwing the rope.

Unfortunately, whilst building awareness of our plight, our supposed allies have also built the narrative that minorities don’t get funded for high-growth businesses, without putting enough of the onus on the system that allows it. But is this actually helpful to us? Because the stats aren’t changing, in fact, they’re getting worse.

As a tech founder, I was constantly being told that:

Women, especially women of colour rarely get funded (2% of all VC funding goes to women, 1% to Black founders).
Underrepresented people don’t succeed often, the system is to blame and systems change takes time.
Everything is stacked against us, but with hard work, perseverance, and exceptionalism, we have a 0.002% chance of succeeding, in 10-15 years.

Joy.

Alongside my start-up I was working to create diversity in the startup and investment ecosystem. I watched the initiatives I worked on, to elevate founders from underrepresented backgrounds, fail to get funding, and tabled indefinitely. I sat face to face with investors, and listened to them double down on the ‘pipeline problem’ excuse as to why we don’t see better diversity and equity amongst investors. The sad reality is, that most are unwilling to put their money where their LinkedIn mouth is!

I tell you this because it's the emotionally draining reality of building a business. You need to have awareness of the industry that has the means to fund you, and for many of us, that industry doesn’t align with our morals or values. Resilience can only take you so far. I had a realistic insight to the inner workings of the powers that be - and it wasn’t pretty. In fact, it was outright demoralising.

You’ll wear a dozen different masks to get into the rooms you need to be in. You’ll fake it till you make it or break. You’ll spend more time with people you’d never choose to be around than the people you love and value. A strong understanding of your emotional state and how to regulate it will be key in pulling through.

Exceptionalism is an illusion

For someone from the global majority to succeed in the global north, have our story told and be looked up to as a role model, we have to be ‘exceptional’. You only have to take a look at the language in the media. ‘Exceptional women’ becoming CEOs of multinational corporations, Whilst male execs control 99 times more shares than women on the S&P500 - they can’t all be exceptional can they? In 2023, Bloomberg analysis told us that women CEOs finally outnumber CEOs called John on the S&P. Were we supposed to celebrate?

The pressure to be exceptional and visible, on top of supporting yourself financially, maintaining close personal relationships, whilst building a new business, and all the new relationships that it requires is exhausting. Despite what we’re led to believe by the awards announcements, Sifted articles and LinkedIn posts, no one can do it alone.

It’s easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to others, feeling inadequate or underqualified. Imposter syndrome is a given and we can’t all be exceptional all the time. The secret is, we don’t have to be. Instead of beating ourselves up about everything we haven’t achieved, success will come from the ability to drown out the noise, focus on our mission and stay the course.

Pro-tip: If you want an award, nominate yourself, most people do!

Being Broke Sucks

You’re about to have the ride of your life. It’s also likely going to be the most financially turbulent time of your life, too. Unless you’re using daddy’s money and a trust fund, of course.

Starting up requires sacrifice, low salaries and big risks in the hope of long term financial gain. Add current and future dependents into the equation, and the stakes are even higher. This can take a huge emotional toll.

You’ll be dealing with personal scarcity, whilst abundantly planning for the growth of your business. For some that means pot-noodle at home and Michelin Star dinners out with potential investors. It’s confusing and can trigger some big feelings as a result of unresolved parts of your history and relationship with money and wealth. Maybe you come from a low-income household and missed out on things growing up due to the cost. Now you’re sitting in rooms with millionaires, pitching for a pretty penny to bring your dream to life.

Funding is just the moment you move from the queue to the ride. Now you have to keep it up. You become liable for your employee’s livelihoods. More people depend on you to keep the lights on, in your business and their homes. In the midst of a recession, high interest rates and funding drying up, despite your best efforts, sometimes, it's out of your hands. This year, Sifted reported that 49% of VC backed founders were considering quitting their startups, stating they were “overworked”, “exhausted” and “broken”. Big words, driven by big emotions. What’s worse, less than 20% said they are very open about their mental health, while another 20% said they weren’t open at all. Here’s who they turned to for support:

65% to their partner or spouse
54% rely on friends and family
41% lean on a coach or therapist (28% see a coach, 18% have a therapist)
Just 38% said they turn to their cofounder
Only 13% said they looked to their investors

These are some of the real issues that are going to impact you emotionally and you’re going to need to both have a support system in place, as well as the ability to call upon them when you need to.

The only way is up

Here’s a quick summary of some of the highs and lows of the entrepreneurial journey ahead.

The Highs Achievement and Fulfillment Creating something from scratch and seeing it succeed brings immense satisfaction and pride. The fulfillment that comes from achieving your goals is a powerful motivator. Independence and Control You have the freedom to make decisions and steer your business in the direction you envision. Autonomy is liberating and empowering. Potential for Financial Reward While not guaranteed, the financial rewards of a successful business can be substantial. Potential financial gain can drive motivation and ambition. The Lows Uncertainty and Risk This path is fraught with uncertainty. Financial instability, market unpredictability, and the potential for failure are along for the ride. Get used to their company. Stress and Anxiety The pressure of running a business, meeting deadlines, and managing finances can lead to significant stress and anxiety. Prepare for the inevitable long hours and sleepless nights. Isolation Entrepreneurship can be a lonely journey. The responsibility of decision-making and the lack of a support structure can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Green Flag Energy

Being emotionally ready for entrepreneurship involves a deep understanding of yourself and your capacity to handle the emotional demands of the journey. If you find gaps in your emotional readiness, don't worry. Emotional readiness can be developed and strengthened over time. Here's a checklist of strategies to help you build the foundation that will carry you through the toughest and best of times.

Self-Awareness Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional readiness. It involves understanding your strengths, weaknesses, triggers, and coping mechanisms. Ask yourself: Do I understand my emotional triggers and how to manage them? Can I handle criticism and failure constructively? Am I comfortable with taking risks and facing uncertainty? Resilience Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks. Entrepreneurship is replete with challenges, and resilience is crucial to navigate these. Reflect on: How do I handle failure and setbacks? Can I maintain motivation and optimism in the face of difficulties? Do I have strategies to manage stress and prevent burnout? Emotional Intelligence Emotional intelligence (EQ) involves recognizing and managing your emotions and those of others. High EQ is essential for leadership, team management, and customer relations. Consider: Can I empathize with others and build strong relationships? Am I capable of managing my emotions in high-pressure situations? Do I possess good communication and conflict-resolution skills? Develop a Support System Having a support system is crucial for emotional resilience. This can include family, friends, mentors, and fellow entrepreneurs. A strong support network provides emotional support, advice, and a sense of belonging. Mentors and Advisors: Seek out experienced entrepreneurs who can offer guidance and share their experiences. Peer Groups: Join entrepreneur groups or networks to connect with like-minded individuals who understand the challenges you're facing. Family and Friends: Ensure your loved ones are supportive of your entrepreneurial journey, as their understanding and encouragement can be invaluable. Practice Self-Care Entrepreneurship can be all-consuming, but neglecting self-care can lead to burnout and reduced productivity. Prioritize activities that recharge you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Exercise: Regular physical activity reduces stress and boosts mood. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices like mindfulness and meditation can improve emotional regulation and reduce anxiety. Hobbies and Interests: Engage in activities outside of work to maintain a balanced life and prevent burnout. Develop Stress Management Techniques Effective stress management is key to maintaining emotional health. Identify techniques that work best for you and incorporate them into your routine. Time Management: Organize your tasks and prioritize effectively to reduce overwhelm. Relaxation Techniques: Techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or yoga can help manage stress. Seek Professional Help: If stress becomes unmanageable, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. Foster a Growth Mindset Adopting a growth mindset helps you view challenges as opportunities for learning and growth rather than as obstacles. This mindset fosters resilience and a positive attitude. Embrace Challenges: View setbacks as learning experiences that contribute to your growth. Learn Continuously: Stay curious and committed to learning new skills and knowledge. Stay Positive: Focus on the positives and celebrate small victories to maintain motivation.

There’s pride in quitting

Emotional readiness is a critical, yet often overlooked, aspect of entrepreneurship. Getting in touch with your emotions will allow you to clearly understand the emotional demands of the journey and actively prepare for them. You’re not broken. You can always enhance your resilience, well-being, and chances of success. Remember, entrepreneurship is a marathon, not a sprint. Knowing how you really feel and what you need at any given time will also help you know if and when to call time on this dream. Quitting takes immense self-awareness and strength, and can often lead you down a new, more fulfilling and successful road. Equip yourself emotionally, build a robust support system, and embrace the journey with its highs and lows. In doing so, you'll be better prepared to navigate the entrepreneurial path and achieve your goals with confidence and emotional strength.