Whose goal is it anyway?
Why you’ve never stuck it out, learning to trust your gut and setting yourself up for success
Happy New Year & a warm welcome to all our new subscribers - welcome to the fold <3
News, updates and events
Join us for our first event of 2025! Finance Therapy Circle but make it Reiki. We’ll be joined by neuroscientist and Reiki practitioner, Heema Shah, who will be bringing the healing to this month’s circle. Can’t wait to see you online 22nd Jan, 5.30pm GMT - Everyone welcome!
Last chance to sign up for the Fearless Funding School today! Think two months of learning, unlearning, impact and comms strategy building, community, mentoring and 1-1 support to help funders diversity their pipeline and amplify their impact. Kicking off 29th Jan. Please share with all your funder friends.
We’ve made it halfway through January - congratulations! The days are getting longer, we’ve had our first full moon of the year and soon enough winter will be a distant memory for another 9 months. But how many of your goals have you already given up on?
I know you bought the crafts, well meaningly attended the vision board workshops and promised yourself, your family, your business a year of transformational change. So today we’re getting honest about our goals, exploring why you might have fallen short and if it’s worth feeling guilty about it or if there is an easier way to move forward that will guarantee you success with your goals - financial or otherwise.
What's in a Goal?
We’ve all been there - setting ambitious goals, writing them down in our fancy new journals, and envisioning a brand-new version of ourselves. Goals give us direction. They’re milestones, something to strive for that makes life feel purposeful. For many of us, the act of setting goals provides motivation and creates a sense of control over what’s to come. After all, who doesn’t want to feel like they’re on a journey towards becoming their best self?
But let’s get real for a second: how many goals have you set that didn’t last beyond February? Or in the case of all the new faces in my gym - 9th of Jan (when the temperature dropped to -1) Goals can be problematic when they’re overly ambitious, poorly defined, or not really aligned with what matters most. Psychologists often highlight a phenomenon called the “what-the-hell effect” - that moment when you stumble on your goal (like missing a workout or overspending for a week), and suddenly it feels like a free pass to give up entirely - or start AGAIN on Monday #DietStartsMonday.
Some argue that traditional goal-setting can even do more harm than good, leading to unnecessary stress and a never-ending cycle of feeling like you’re falling short. Goals tied to external validation or societal expectations can leave you disconnected from your true desires. So, are goals inherently good? Not always - especially when they don’t align with who you truly are.
Whose Goal Is It Anyway?
Think about the goals you’ve set recently. How many of them are truly yours? Sometimes, our goals are born out of an unspoken pressure to meet the expectations of others. Whether it’s society’s milestones - buying a home by 30, getting married, having kids, climbing the career ladder - or pressure from friends and family to take on careers that sound impressive. Or how about that competitive voice in your head that has you comparing your life to influencers, colleagues or that stranger you met one time at a networking event. It’s all too easy to confuse what you want with what others want for you.
Even well-intentioned advice can skew your perception of success. Maybe your parents sacrificed everything to give you an education, so now you feel obligated to chase a high-paying career, even though it’s sucking the life out of you everyday. Perhaps your best friend’s travel pics convinced you that seeing the world is a must - but you secretly dread the thought of a long-haul flight and sleeping in a different bed every few nights. Or maybe you’ve absorbed the social media narrative that starting a business is the ultimate form of success and key to financial freedom, even if stability is what you crave.
Projection is powerful. Other people’s values can sneak into your goal-setting without you even noticing. Suddenly, your dreams start looking suspiciously like someone else’s Instagram feed. The result? Frustration, misalignment, and a growing disconnect between where you’re headed and where you actually want to be.
Let’s Be Honest
If this resonates, it might be time to take a hard look at what you actually want. Getting honest with yourself can feel uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. Why? Because when you’re pursuing someone else’s dreams, it’s almost impossible to succeed in a way that feels meaningful. Here are some signs your goals might not align with your true desires:
You’re avoiding working towards them: Netflix 1 - 0 To-Do List
Reaching milestones doesn’t feel as satisfying as you imagined.
You constantly doubt whether you’re on the right path.
Your energy feels drained rather than replenished when pursuing them.
Avoidance plays a big role here. We distract ourselves to avoid the discomfort of realising our goals don’t match what we want. It’s easier to scroll endlessly or throw yourself into work than to admit that your side hustle isn’t the dream you’ve painted it to be.
Building awareness of your wants and needs requires tuning out the noise. Start by asking yourself:
If I stripped away societal and family expectations, what would I truly want?
What’s driving my current goals - passion or pressure?
How does this goal align with the life I’m building?
Honesty is powerful. Once you connect with what really matters to you, you can channel your energy towards what feels authentic and fulfilling, even if it looks different from what you (or others) had envisioned.
How to Trust Your Gut
Learning to trust your gut is easier said than done. For years, you may have deferred to the opinions of others or sought reassurance before making decisions. Trusting yourself is about breaking that cycle and learning to listen to your inner voice - no permission required.
Start small:
Quiet the noise: Carve out time for reflection and stillness. Journaling or mindfulness practices can help you tune in to your own voice and what feels right.
Pay attention to intuition: Your gut often knows before your head catches up because it’s been trained by experiences throughout your entire life - give it the credit it’s due! If something excites you, energizes you, or feels expansive, lean in. On the flip side, pay attention to resistance or unease.
Set boundaries: Start saying no to goals and expectations that aren’t yours - even if they’re well-intentioned.
Practice self-compassion: Trusting your instincts is a muscle you’ll need to strengthen over time. Give yourself grace when you second-guess or misstep.
By focusing on what feels intuitively right for you, you’ll become more attuned to your own desires. This shift can radically transform how you approach your goals and decision-making. I’m personally trying to be much quicker making decisions in the supermarket this year - the amount of choice available is my enemy.
Making Goals Work for You
So, where does this leave us? Goals can be powerful when approached with intention and authenticity. Here’s how to set goals that truly work for you:
Focus on your “why”: Dig deep into the reason behind your goals. Why does this matter? Is it aligned with your core values? Will you be proud of the time you spent working towards this on your deathbed?
Make them SMART: Goals should be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Instead of saying, “I want to save money,” try, “I’ll save £200 a month for the next six months to build an emergency fund which I’ll need if my car breaks down.” This way you know exactly why you’re taking the actions towards this each day, you can see the finish line AND you’ll be more inclined to actually use that money for what you meant it for without feeling guilty or the need to hoard the cash.
Prioritise joy: The journey matters as much as the outcome. If your goal feels like pure drudgery, re-evaluate. How can you make the process more enjoyable? If you can’t, maybe your time is better spent elsewhere.
Find accountability: Share your goals with someone who supports and understands your vision - not someone who imposes their own. Life is easier with people egging you on or working towards the same things as you.
Celebrate wins: Don’t wait until the finish line to feel proud. Acknowledge progress along the way, no matter how small.
Setting goals isn’t about following a formula or achieving perfection. It’s about crafting a life that feels rich and fulfilling on your terms. A life you’ll look back on with pride, not regret.
So, whose goals are you chasing this year? If they don’t feel true to you, it’s never too late to pivot. Be bold, be honest, and trust yourself. This could be the year you finally set goals that feel like home.