We need to talk about burnout
Recovering from burnout, starting over and finding your new path.
CW// mental health, CW//suicide
With one in five of us experiencing burnout in the UK and 52% of our friends across the pond in the same boat, it’s time we start talking about how we got to such a bad place in the first place. In this post I’ll explore the concept of burnout, my own experience of it and some steps you can take to prevent and recover from it.
Welcome to the first edition of the burnout recovery programme.
LOL - Just Kidding. There is no such thing.
I wish there was. It would have saved me a lot of time and money. No, I didn’t buy an online course, get a life coach (respect to you guys, though), or go on a fancy yoga and meditation retreat - however, if anyone wants to send me on one, I’ll go willingly!
Instead, I invested in myself. Time and money to stop and smell the roses, learn new skills I'd been too busy or drained to commit to, take care of my mind and body which I'd neglected for years, and just GTFO of the toxic work, home and community environments that led me to burn out in the first place. Looking back, it’s the best money I ever spent and I’ll treasure those 8 months for the rest of my life. If you’re wondering about the ‘career gap’, I’ve never been concerned with it and neither should you!
How to Burn Out
Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress or overwork. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, like you have a lack of control and a sense that nothing you do is appreciated or working out, chances are you’re heading for burnout. It can manifest in different ways, but most of us will likely experience:
Exhaustion: Feeling drained physically and emotionally, even after rest.
Cynicism: Developing a negative or detached attitude towards work or other responsibilities.
Inefficacy: Feeling ineffective, unproductive, or lacking accomplishment despite efforts.
If, like me, you’re a productivity-aholic, this is a recipe for a shame-cycle disaster.
Remote work is great for so many reasons, but it also gives your employer a free pass to forget that you’re human. Post Pandemic employers be like: out of sight out of mind. With no real sense of ‘team’ or support, isolation and loneliness add fuel to the burnout fire, pushing you full steam ahead into meltdown (puns intended). Which will likely go unnoticed because everyone is busy burning out themselves, or never cared enough in the first place - which is what led you to burn out - DUH!
Sadly this is the reality for many working professionals around the world today. The targets are getting bigger, the support is getting closer to non-existent and there are far too many “people leaders” who have no experience (or business) leading people.
Feel attacked? Can’t keep your staff? Here is a link to some leadership courses you might want to consider.
My own personal recipe for a mental health disaster
I had a tech-startup and two ‘part-time’ jobs over an 18 month period, following a year-long unpaid fellowship. I was overworked, underappreciated, underpaid and had no real time or energy to give my startup the love I so desperately wanted to. Like most people, I was stressed about money and felt undervalued. I went for weeks at a time, especially during the winter months, unable to get out of bed. Work, Netflix, meals (if you can call them that) - in bed. I had to move home with my parents if I was ever going to afford going full-time on the business. Anyone who’s tried to live with their family at 30 knows that what you save on money, you pay in peace and strained familial relationships.
I lived in a state of functional freeze for months at a time, maybe even a whole year. The gym and my hobbies fell by the wayside. Sure, I went on trips with my friends in that period, but I wasn’t really there. Travel brought the most joy to my life, but it became an exercise of going through the motions. In fact, a year on, I barely remember where I went or who I was with.
To the outside world I was so lucky: pursuing my passions, having my own business, working in interesting spaces with organisations ‘making a difference’ in the world. This just fuelled the fire. I felt stuck, misunderstood, trapped even. The expectations were too great, my ability and desire to perform had dwindled to record lows and with it, my confidence. My mental health was at rock bottom - and I’d already been struggling for a long time.
Eventually the choice was, I give it all up, cut my losses and start again, or I don’t live to see another year. So I quit everything and learned to live again.
From Burnout to Breakthrough
Burnout can affect various aspects of life, including work, relationships, and personal well-being. I’m an overachiever, so of course I had to ruin every aspect of my life and achieve full blown burnout. If you’re reading this and some of it resonates - don’t be me! Recognising the signs of burnout early and taking steps to address it, such as seeking support, setting boundaries, and practising self-care, are crucial in preventing its escalation.
I’m alive and well today to tell the tale and am happy to report that I’m able to write this without entering a meltdown.
Like many things in life, I wish it was A or B, but option C was the reality of the journey back to myself and wellness.
After at least a year of being in denial, I finally acknowledged the burnout. I never used that word though - it was more a feeling of I just can’t do it anymore and I don’t have to. I no longer recognised myself; I’d changed so much just to fit in and gain validation from people with very different values. I resented them and I resented myself.
So I decided to step away. A lot of people think they need a holiday and it will cure it all, but going back to that toxic environment you’re escaping just puts you right back where you were 2 weeks prior. I used my resources and chose myself, which meant prioritising resting, recharging and HEALING. You don’t have to quit your life, but you might need to quit parts of it, and that’s ok. As I closed the doors on one dream, I repurposed my resources (time and money) to revisit the other dreams I had on the rocks since the pandemic.
Yes, I have multiple goals and dreams for this life which I couldn’t possibly do all at once and you deserve that too! So I decided to go travelling and then move to Colombia for a while - I’d been manifesting that since my first visit there in 2015.
2 steps forward and a few steps back
The smart thing would have been to throw myself into enjoying no responsibilities, exploring new places and taking it all in. Unfortunately, one does not go from doing it ALL to doing nothing at all. I threw myself straight into the next thing. I started planning my next business, tried my hand at influencer life, took all the calls from people offering to join their startups, interviewed for roles I didn’t really want and put feelers out and started networking in the countries I was visiting.
I’d taken care of my physical environment, but the productivity warrior was still in control of my mind. Sometimes, ambition really sucks.
Finally, with a little help from my friends, I saw the light and prioritised self-care. I settled in Medellín and focused on activities that only benefited me. I made the gym and attending Spanish classes my only goals for the day. Sometimes that was enough to have me crashing by 8pm, other days I slept for up to 11 hours uninterrupted. I let my body have what it needed. Side note - women need more sleep than men anyway, so take your 8-10 hours and don’t let anyone call you lazy!
Having finally learnt to say ‘no’ to others, as well as myself, I put it into practice. I established clear boundaries, with myself and others, to protect my time and energy. As my energy and capacity increased, I could add activities back into my routine that would help me reach my other goals, without heading back to burnout.
I had a coach to support me with my physical and mental health. Although I haven’t achieved all of my health and fitness goals, I learned how to take care of and choose myself everyday. I saw marked improvements in how I was feeling physically and mentally, my water intake, strength and the quality of food I was eating week on week. It highlighted the deep impacts that extreme stress had had on my body, and I still struggle with these today. It also helped to have someone to cry to, not judge you and be in your corner with nothing but kindness, when I couldn't be kind to myself. Gaining perspective was key in crawling out of the burnout hole I had found myself in.
I used the space to reflect, evaluate and adjust. It’s amazing how much clarity you gain when you step out of your ‘normal’ environment. I took responsibility for the choices that led me here and celebrated the ones that helped me to recover. I reassessed my priorities, my values and my purpose.
Don’t get me wrong, I was still stressing about money and the future, wondering if I’d ever have the capacity to work again, or if anyone would even want me, and feeling guilty about being ‘selfish’. I’ve come to accept that these are normal feelings and common amongst us when uncertainty is at play. Eventually, with time and healing I realised what I already knew: it would be ok, somehow.
Privilege and grief
I hear you. Not everyone can afford to take out a year for Funemployment. While I recognise the privilege of being able to live with my family and save money, which enabled this break, I also worked my butt off to afford it. I built that emergency fund like my life depended on it, and it turns out, it did.
We money coaches don’t bang on about emergency funds and living below your means for no reason, and we struggle too. In reality, it took me 12 months of wanting to quit my job every single day before I finally could.
When you finally take that step to let it all go, pieces of your identity and all the things that ‘could have been’ along that path are gone with it. In my case that was the shiny jobs and status that came with them, the startup I’d been dreaming up for 2 years and my future financial stability.
When we lose something, or the possibility of something, we have to grieve. Which means experiencing the seven stages of grief alongside your burnout. Some of them go hand in hand with reconnecting to yourself and others hurt a lot more, holding you in periods of pain longer than you want to endure.
shock and denial.
pain and guilt.
anger and bargaining.
depression.
the upward turn.
reconstruction and working through.
acceptance and hope.
My advice: cry and laugh often, there is no shame in either!
Your step by step guide to burnout recovery
Like I said, there is no one size fits all. Some of these will help you and fit well into your life, others may not be possible or feel uncomfortable for you. All you can do is try, because whatever you did to get to this point, wasn’t working either.
Acknowledge the burnout: Accept what’s happening, we can’t fix what we don’t first acknowledge
Take a break: Step away from the things and people sucking joy from your life and causing stress
Prioritise self-care: Focus on activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones.
Establish boundaries: Set clear boundaries to protect your time and energy. Learn to say no to additional responsibilities or commitments that could exacerbate burnout.
Seek support: Talk to friends, family members, or a therapist about what you're experiencing. Sharing your feelings can provide relief and help you gain perspective.
Evaluate and adjust: Reflect on the factors that contributed to your burnout and consider what changes you can make to prevent it from happening again in the future. This might involve re-evaluating your workload, reassessing your priorities, or seeking a different job or role.
Practice stress management techniques: Learn and regularly practise stress-reduction techniques. Somatic practices such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation can work wonders. I love the free app ‘Insight Timer’ to help me with this.
Return gradually: When you feel ready to return to work or other responsibilities, ease back into them gradually. Don't try to take on too much too soon.
Seek professional help if needed: If your burnout is severe or persistent, consider seeking support from a mental health professional who can provide guidance and treatment tailored to your needs.
Remember that recovering from burnout is a process that takes time and patience. Be kind to yourself and prioritise your well-being as you work towards feeling better.
Looking for a community to help heal your relationship with money? I’ll be running Finance Therapy Circles every month this year, please register your interest here.
Love this! Such a important topic and so relevant for so many right now.