A masterclass in negotiating salary from scarcity
What not to do, why you’re getting it wrong, and how to shut up that voice inside your head.
Exciting things coming up in the Finance Therapy community
Grab your ticket for our March Finance Therapy Circle - But make it Uncharitable. We’re talking impact, value, self worth and cover-ups.
I’ll be running the workshop you NEED to be at after reading this post. Aligned & Thriving: Selling, Pricing & Financial Confidence for Entrepreneurs. Join me and the wonderful Trauma of Money community on 28th April - you do not want to miss this. First tickets sold within minutes of posting.
It’s been a busy international women’s week(s). The empowering key notes, the packed events and the community gatherings. This year’s theme is accelerated action, but for many, it felt far from it. It’s becoming clearer than ever that if women want safety, better health outcomes, career progression, funding, businesses that thrive and sustainable wealth - we need to do it ourselves.
That means building our own tables - See The Times Article on how Eshita Kabra raised funding for the world's biggest shared wardrobe, ByRotation, from female investors who get it.
It means learning to invest, getting comfortable with risk and actually following through on doing it - Check out Propelle for the app that lets you do it all.
And it means being able to confidently talk about money, ask for what you want and then stand firm to get it. So this week I bring you a rage-inducing story for a financial wellbeing expert, whose mission it is to get you confident in talking shamelessly about money.
Let’s talk salary negotiations.
The Struggle
Recently a friend of mine has been struggling in the job market - let’s call her Delphine. Delphine had been diligently applying to roles in her field for five months. Above, below and bang on her skillset. She tried every approach - spaghetti at a wall applications, the LinkedIn stalk and connect, and the recruiters. As time went on, the worry set in deeper.
What if I never find anything? What if I’m not smart or experienced enough? Why are all these men landing roles that I never saw advertised? I’ll never be able to afford a house. I don’t have a pension. How will I live? And so, the negative thoughts spiralled and scarcity found a home in her brain.
The Offer
As with anything, Delphine kept at it, she didn’t give up. Fast forward to March and she’s interviewing at multiple organisations. She even landed an offer.
The problem? She couldn’t enjoy the offer, because she was busy stressing about the pending negotiation. We’ve all been there!
The good news is that she knew negotiation was the logical next step and is always on the table. My words hadn’t fallen on deaf ears.
The bad news - Scarcity had it’s hold on her. So, instead of going in with her cards close to her chest, confidence from being the first pick for the role and authority from being clearly over-qualified, she was riddled with anxiety and rattled by the first hurdle.
What Went Wrong
Sadly, I found out about the offer days after the damage was done - money was left on the table. Which made me reflect on the work I do on financial behavioural change, and why it rarely works to give it away for free.
Delphine had all of the information she needed to negotiate. We’d discussed it at length over the past year. We’re friends (she’s not a client) and I exist one text or phone call away. I’d have written her emails or sat in the room whilst she had the calls if she needed me to. She knows that.
Yet, something still stopped her asking for my help in the moment she needed it. On reflection, it was a combination of stress, overthinking, hyper independence and not wanting to be a burden. Hard relate.
If You Want My Advice
Hindsight is 20:20. So naturally we dissected what went wrong and now I’m giving you all my top tips to get your shit together in the moment and not make the same mistakes. And obviously, spilling the tea on how it went down.
There is a Formula
Neither side walks away from a negotiation 100% happy - that’s compromise. Know this and use it to your advantage.
Every conversation you will ever have in your life is improvised. A negotiation is no different. But you can prepare to make the process as easy as possible. Here’s a few tips to make it sway in your favour.
Know your value - I purposely don’t say worth, because you can never be paid your worth. Your worth is infinite. Now that we’ve separated our feelings and sense of self from the equation, let’s talk about value. What do you bring to the table? Why did they choose you above all other candidates? Are they getting a good deal, i.e. paying below what your experience would usually dictate? What have you learnt about the role, company and the value you can add through the interview process? Use all of this to make your case for a higher salary. Sadly, ‘I need more money to survive this cost of living crisis’, though true, isn’t a convincing argument to be paid more.
Calculate your walk away number - Why are you in the job market? How much of a pay increase are you looking for? What would be enough to make you leave your current set up? Being realistic about this number makes it easier for you to negotiate and make decisions about your next move, whilst saving you the pain of being back on the job market in a few months time (with a new job to learn in tow). You don’t want to start a new role feeling resentful that you’re not being paid enough - it would be better to hold off and find a better fit.
Ask for more than you want - Negotiating is no different than haggling the price of goods in a market. They price high, knowing you’ll ask for a discount. By rule of thumb, you can assume that your opposition will eventually meet you half-way. Depending on the company, this might take more than one round of negotiation. Your first offer is your best chance of securing the highest salary. The employer doesn't want to go through another round of recruitment either, it costs them more in the long run. It’s in everyone’s best interest to find a middle ground.
Understand the market - In some organisations no one would bat an eye if you asked for 50% more than their first offer, in others the hiring manager might call you delusional. Know how the salary bands, opportunities for progression, and pay rises/bonus processes work at the organisation. Public sector organisations and charities are usually more rigid in their remuneration policies, whilst the private sector might let you shoot for the moon. I’ve known many a white man to write down the number he wants on a piece of paper and get it, no questions asked. Be the white man!
Do not overshare - You don’t owe them information on your past salary (not a truthful number anyway). And you certainly don’t owe them insight into your life and struggles. Less is more. You can show your interest and gratitude for the opportunity without seeming desperate. If you show all your cards too soon and cave, you might as well stamp welcome on your forehead and call yourself a doormat - because that’s what they’ll expect of you in the role, too!
Enjoy the process - Starting a new role is the BEST way to increase your salary and so this opportunity to negotiate will secure you your biggest pay rise, for what might be a decade - no pressure. But it’s not the last offer you will ever get either. Let this job offer be the proof that people see your value, and so others most definitely will too! Shift your focus from everything that could go wrong, to how great it will feel when you do ask and do get!
Practice Makes Money
Negotiating can feel stressful and unnatural, but you do it every day. Choosing which restaurant to eat at with your friends, bribing your kids to behave and deciding you get to pick the next series to binge with your partner. The more you flex your bargaining muscle, the better you get at negotiating, and the less stressful it becomes. So, ask for discounts in shops, ask your significant other to do more around the house and try to get some plans out of the group chat! You’ll be asking for more money like it’s second nature before you know it.
What are some of your negotiating blunders? We’d love to know!